Life on the Unfarm: an illustrated account

The chickens will sneak squirrel food whenever they get the chance, so the sight of them walking along the deck railing is a fairly common one.

Maximus: our newest arrival on the Unfarm

As you may remember, last year the Unfarm took several hits including the loss of Aspen, bringing our cat population down to one. Or half, maybe, because Mynx is rarely seen by anyone but myself and you cannot really pet her, let alone pick her up.  She is convinced that any attempts at affection are in truth a thinly veiled threat: surely we mean to harm her in some horrible manner and she screams bloody murder until we set her down and she can bolt back under the bed. 

Mynx's attitude combined with the loss of Aspen six months prior had me thinking: perhaps it might be time to start contemplating the addition of another feline to our household. Mynx did seem to be lonely, after all - she had taken to spending an unnatural amount of time outdoors hanging out with Chico, the neighborhood riffraff who technically resides next door but is regularly seen throughout the neighborhood terrorizing other cats and all small creatures that creep, crawl or fly. Hardly the kind of character we want Mynx associating with, even if he does seem to have a soft spot for our spotted softie.  

It seemed, therefore, serendipitous that last November I should receive an email from our local cat shelter, announcing that they too would be participating in the Black Friday madness: all of their black or mostly black cats would be available for adoption for the bargain price of $10, a whopping 90% off the usual price. Being the good bargain shopper my mother taught me to be, I could hardly pass up a deal like that now could I? The only real question was this: how to narrow it down to just one...? 
 

Maximus in a rare moment of stillness

My sister and I spent an arduous hour trying to decide which cat would become the newest member of the Unfarm. There were all manner of choices: sleepy kittens, playful kittens, striped kittens, spotted kittens, solid kittens, male kittens, female kittens and every combination thereof. Holding kitten after kitten was a tiresome, tedious task but we somehow managed to persevere, eventually settling on a small, black kitten who was in a kennel by himself, sitting quietly beside the door. (We had learned our lesson, you see - we chose Aspen because he was the "spunky" kitten in the litter, and I am pretty sure that most of his adult life was spent plotting ways to inflict harm upon his human captors, so this time around we went for calm and quiet.)  Acknowledging that this would be a companion for our Mynxy cat, we were also looking for a younger, male cat who might pose the least possible threat to Mynx. 
 

Max loves to play with plastic bags

The name Maximus was settled on in part because it went so well with Mynx and we headed home with our newest family member, bracing ourselves for the fallout: we had not asked permission to adopt Max knowing that had we asked we would have been told no. Mom's reaction was fairly predictable: she feigned dismay but spent an awful lot of time cuddling with something that "we can't possibly keep." Dad's reaction was exactly as predicted. We told him to close his eyes and hold out his hands. He did as requested and the second we set Max into his hands he burst out with, "Oh no!" and looked crestfallen to say the least. 
 

Max enjoys kitten food, long walks on the beach, and watching TV

Despite the odds, my parents came around to the idea of Max becoming a permanent fixture here on the Unfarm (this process was likely easier for Mom than it was for Dad) and part of the deciding factor may have been the effect Max had on my sister. She had been in something of a bad mood - which is putting it mildly to say the least, and she can be quite scary when she's in a bad mood - earlier in the day and Max was more effective (and faster acting) than Prozac on her sour mood. Kitten adoption fee: $10. Kitten food, toys, and assorted supplies: $54. Changing my sister from a fire breathing dragon to a cuddly teddy bear: Priceless.

Footnote: Thus far, Mynx has not appreciated our efforts to give her a companion to spend her days with and looks upon Max as some kind of tiny terror with ADHD whose main goal in life is to ruin hers. 

Despite what Mynx thinks, Max really does look up to Mynx. He is often seen making a careful study of her and trying to follow in her footsteps.

Construction finished

In case you haven't noticed, this blog has been under a bit of construction of late. The template I really liked appears to have inexplicably gone missing from the internet and I was forced to scramble to try and find a new favorite template which took FOREVER. You have no idea how many templates are out there. Do I use a blogger standard template, have someone design one for me, try uploading a free template off the internet, or try and learn to code so that I can make my own template? I contemplated learning to code for exactly 2.7 seconds. Not gonna happen. I find I lack the patience to learn to code, plus I graduated, remember? The fine print on my diploma states that I am no longer under any obligation to study anything. Ever. For any reason I choose.

I decided to wait on having a template designed for me, especially since my brother, who is usually my go-to guy for all things tech is off on a Code for America project for the next 10 months, and it is hard enough to convince him to help when he is in the same zip code. The fact that he is now 600 miles away means he is thoroughly out of my reach. Goodbye free coding help.

I then spent approximately 38 hours looking through the thousands of free blog templates and attempting to get at least one to work, and after all those hours I put in I was still dissatisfied with the result: the short lived red blog template you may or may not have seen on here in the previous couple of weeks.

So back to standard blogger templates it was and after a bit of searching I finally found one that I think will work for the time being. I probably should have saved myself a good deal of wasted time and increased stress by sticking to this idea from the beginning but that's just not how I roll. I like to waste time, get stressed out, yell at anyone and everyone, and end up going with the simplest option anyway. Hmm, I wonder if I could get that printed on a t-shirt...

Sewing needle tote tutorial

Because I can't seem to resist a sale, I have amassed an impressive collection of sewing needles; but I hate the packages they come in - those stupid plastic holders never seem to want to surrender the needles without a fight. Annoying needle packages + fabric scraps I wanted to use up + a chance to procrastinate on the things I should be doing = a sewing needle tote tutorial!

Step 1: Gather supplies. Some felt fabric, mine was 4x7 inches. Cotton fabric, I used a piece 17x21 inches, a cutting mat and rotary cutter - regular and pinking (or fabric scissors), a sewing machine.

Step 2: Iron your cotton fabric, then fold in half, right sides together, leaving the third side open.

Step 3: Turn right side out and press the open edge under about half an inch, toward the inside of the fabric pocket.

Step 4: Topstitch around the entire piece.

Step 5: Fold each end in to meet in the middle, on the long edge.

 

 

Step 6: Fold the bottom and top edges in towards the middle, forming a pocket.

Step 7: Measure the size of the folded fabric. Mine was 8 inches long, 4.5 inches tall.

Step 8: Cut some felt slightly smaller than the folded size. Use pinking scissors or a pinking rotary blade if you want to make it look nicer. I cut mine 7 inches by 4 inches.

Step 9: Take a pin and mark the center of your folded pocket.

Step 10: Cut a piece of ribbon long enough to tie around the pocket. 

Step 11: Sew this to the center front of the pocket

Step 12: Organize your needles by pinning them through the felt sheet. (Or sheets plural, if you are anything like me.)

Step 13: Unfold your pocket fabric and put your needle sheets in the center of your fabric. Fold the pocket up around it and tie the tote closed. Voile! You're done - go enjoy your new tote.

Life on the Unfarm: an illustrated account

I have decided to try and include more photos from life here on the Unfarm - just quick snapshots of the goings on around here, and this is the first one: 

This is Minni-mama on her nest that she built herself (such a proud momma I am, that my little one is such a skilled nest builder!) I had pruned the nearby rose bush and she picked up all the little branches and carried them to her nest and placed them all around her and her little stash of eggs. She is very devoted to her eggs and will sit on them all day. This seems to please her but it leaves Maggie terribly bored as he maintains guard duty nearby.

Single serve sticky buns

My brother's girlfriend, Rachel, has been baking up a storm lately. Chocolate croissants, monkey bread, cupcakes, banana bread... you get the idea, and all this baking has made me feel like I'm dropping the ball and should be baking more. My mom, who is in Weight Watchers, disagrees and thinks I bake more than enough as it is. But I have seen one too many facebook posts of delicious baked goods on Rachel's page and I have been spurred into action. 

Unfortunately, while Rachel and I share a love of baking, we do not share the same metabolism. If I were to guess, I would have to say that she has the metabolism of a hummingbird which means that she could probably eat nothing but cupcakes for a month and still stay as thin as a twig. My metabolism is probably closer to that of a bear, which enables me to put on and carry weight, without the added benefit of a months long hibernation period in which to burn it all off. With this in mind I have altered a monkey bread/sticky bun recipe to create this single serve version, because left alone with a regular sized batch of sticky buns I can assure you that any willpower I have would crumble and I shudder to think how many of those delicious sticky buns I would inhale. 

Single Serve Sticky Buns

2 biscuits from a package of refrigerated, ready-made biscuits (regular, not the flaky kind), cut into quarters
1 tablespoon butter or margarine
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1 tablespoon brown sugar*
1 heavy tablespoon marshmallow fluff*

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease a small ramekin and put the cut biscuits inside. In a microwave safe container, melt the butter and marshmallow fluff until soft (about 20 seconds or so) and stir together, adding the cinnamon and sugar and mixing until well combined. Microwave for additional time if needed, until you have a pourable mixture. Pour the entire mix over the biscuits in the ramekin and place in the oven on a cookie sheet (to catch any drips) and bake for approximately 18 minutes. When finished baking, let cool for five minutes, then turn upside down onto a plate and tip out of the ramekin. Serve warm. 

*Should you desire sticky buns with more sweet, gooey sauce, just add a little extra sugar and/or marshmallow fluff. (It is possible that I have already tested this version and could vouch for the deliciousness.)

This recipe can easily be doubled or tripled to serve more people. It makes a great dessert that is quick and easy. And tasty. And should you decide to make two and eat them both, well, no judgement here.

Red light, green light

I remember playing red light, green light as a kid while at school or daycare but at (eek!) 32 years old, I haven't thought about that game in years. Until tonight, that is. (In case you don't know or remember this game, there is a description on this website http://www.wikihow.com/Play-Red-Light-Green-Light that you can check out.)

What prompted this bit of nostalgia was in watching the interaction between Maggie and Axel. Over the last couple of weeks, the interactions between these two has become increasingly combative. This occurs mainly in the evening, when Axel is hanging out in the kitchen and the ducks are on the back deck finishing dinner and waiting for me to get their diapers on and bring them in for the night. During this time, the screen door is the only thing standing between Axel and the ducks. Or Axel and Maggie, to be more accurate, because Minna is above it all and could care less what goes on between Maggie and Axel. I have yet to determine what exactly is the cause of this argument. It could be that Axel thinks Maggie is threatening me when he chases me around during mating season (as I am apparently part of Maggie's harem - an honor I could do without.) Or maybe Maggie thinks he needs to protect Minna from Axel. On the other hand, they could just be expressing their mutual dislike for each other.

Whatever the reason, Maggie and Axel have taken to charging the screen door, Axel from inside and Maggie from outside. Maggie is quite brave when he knows that Axel is securely on the other side of the door and that, more often than not, I am on hand to reprimand Axel. When not separated by a door, Maggie is more cautious; he doesn't want to risk an actual run in with Axel, but his ego will not allow him to stand down completely. The compromise Maggie makes is this: when Axel is looking at him, Mag stands his ground. When Axel is walking away and not looking at him, Maggie lowers his head, pulls up his shoulders, and charges at Axel. This is what I call Maggie's linebacker stance - although, knowing nothing more about football than the fact that the ball is roughly oval in shape, it is entirely possible that I am incorrect in my reference - at any rate, this is the posture Maggie also uses when charging chickens that threaten Minna and squirrels that have the nerve to eat the squirrel food that Maggie considers his. The minute Axel turns his head to look at Maggie, however, he stops in his tracks and stands normally. If he could whistle and look around in apparent innocence, I'm sure he would. As soon as Axel loses interest and begins walking away again, Maggie resumes his charge. This continues until Axel comes back inside with me - to keep me company (in Axel's opinion) or because Maggie has succeeded in sending Axel running for safety (in Maggie's opinion.) Red light, green light. I honestly don't know what people without pets do for entertainment. 

DIY Unfarm swimming pool

I love to swim. (Or, to be more accurate, I love to doggy paddle.) What I do not love is public pools. I am both extremely shy and less than pleased with my weight right now so the thought of a public pool has as much appeal as a root canal. 

This poses something of a dilemma as we do not have a pool of our own. Aside from a lack of horizontal space due to the location of the Unfarm on a slope, we also have a lack of one other critical resource: money. As with most cases when we are faced with a lack of finances, I was forced to get creative. The solution I came up with is far from ideal, but it serves the critical purposes of cooling me off and allowing me a place to "swim" (read doggy paddling and kicking.) And so, the Unfarmgirl swimming pool was born. 

True, it looks remarkably like a 2 foot wide, 3 foot deep, 8 foot long metal livestock tank, but make no mistake: it's a swimming pool. Should any other Unfarmgirls out there want to learn how to make this Unfarm swimming pool, I have put together a tutorial to explain the complicated process. Ready? Got your pencil handy to take notes? Here we go.

DIY Unfarm swimming pool tutorial

Step one: Purchase livestock tank of appropriate size. If you can find it, a three foot wide tank would probably be a bit nicer, but a two footer will also work. 

Step two: Bring said tank home. 

Step three: Find appropriate location for tank and position it. A spot that gets some sun and is relatively flat works best.

Step four: Fill tank with water

Step five: Enjoy!

Did you get all that? I know it can be a bit overwhelming, but take it one step at a time and I'm sure you'll be able to manage it.

I need very little...

There is a quote by St. Francis of Assisi that I found years ago in a beach side art gallery, written in calligraphy on a small piece of paper, that I liked so much I bought it and have held onto it ever since. A somewhat less elegant version of it (read: sans calligraphy print) follows:

I need

very

little

and of

that

very

little

I need

very

little

Simple, elegant, clean, and to the point. Also, easier said than done, and I would know. I have been in the process of attempting to simplify for the last several weeks and the only "very little" I have encountered thus far is success. 

Perhaps it is a lost cause, but I continue to try and fit an office, storage space, an art studio, Rabbitville (otherwise known as my four antisocial rabbits and their hutches), the duck's sleeping area, and an exercise space into one room (commonly known as "the bunny room"), and not a large one at that.

And what have I learned in the last three weeks or so that I have been trying to clean up and clear out? 

1) The majority of my clothes I do not wear, but can't bear to part with because I love them and am determined to fit into them again. Eventually. 

2) Although I generally disapprove of collections, I appear to have acquired a collection of t-shirts (78 of them) and books (somewhere around - eek! - 534 of them.) In my defense, most of the books I own are reference/informational in nature; I have very few novels.

3) I am plagued by having too many interests and hobbies, which translates into a boatload of supplies. Instead of "I think, therefore I am" what we have here is a case of "I do, therefore I have." I sew, therefore I have needles, scissors, thread, bobbins, mats, rulers, two machines, and fabric, fabric, fabric: felt, cotton, muslin, polarfleece, and flannel. I draw and paint, therefore I have paper, pencils, pastels, paint, brushes, and palettes. I felt, therefore I have wools, needles, roving, etc. You get the idea. Lots of stuff in very little space.

The realization that I have very much, as opposed to the very little I was striving for, has prompted me to come up with some tips for decluttering, as well as stemming the tide of incoming items (otherwise known as future clutter) because at least one of us should be organized and it's not looking good for me. With that in mind, here we go:

The Unfarm presents: Decluttering tips and tricks

Do you need it? Do you use it? Do you love it? If you don't need, use or love it, why hold onto it? Pass it on to someone who will use it and love it. 

Not sure about an item of clothing? Ask yourself if it is something you actually enjoy wearing, or if you bought it because you like the idea of wearing it or you like it but it doesn't really reflect who you are. I will admit to being guilty of this in the past.

Have a hobby type item you're debating? Ask yourself if you would rather spend your free time doing that activity over another hobby/activity. An example of this comes from my brother who loves cycling but continues to hold on to several model plane kits that he has not found time in the last 15+ years to work on. Several times a year I try and get him to part with those kits by asking him if he would rather work on building a model plane or go on a bike ride. (He continues to resist my efforts the kits are still gathering dust on his bookshelf.)

And to prevent new items from entering:

It is very easy to get caught up in the novelty of something - a new hobby, a new sport, etc - and to go out and buy all the supplies for something only to end up with a cluttered house, a depleted bank account, and guilt over amassing a collection of items that lose their shine after the novelty wears off. Ask yourself if you really think you have the time and can sustain an interest in this new endeavor into the upcoming weeks, months or years.

On a similar note, I often see the work of other artists in some medium I'm not currently working in, and I will run out and buy the supplies and begin working only to be disappointed because it doesn't turn out the way I hoped it would because I have yet to find a store that sells boxes of experience or bags of talent. Should I find such a store, however, you will be the first to know.

These days, it is so easy to find cute little note pads or fabulous bags or beautiful journals or whatever your weaknesses are and to decide that this is exactly what you have been searching for to make your life better and you desperately need it, so I have taken to asking myself if I would still need it if it were some ugly color or had pictures of Spongebob Squarepants on it instead of Hello Kitty. I usually find that I can survive without it after that.

Ask yourself if you would still spend your money on whatever you're contemplating purchasing even if it means that you have less money to put toward some big goal or dream. I, for instance, am saving up so that I can eventually buy a real farm and add yet more animals to my menagerie. (But fear not, I expect I will always be an Unfarmer at heart - it's a lifestyle, not a property of a location.)

Think about how many hours you will have to work to pay for whatever you are planning to buy and ask yourself if it is still worth it to you if it means you'll have to work [insert number of hours here] hours to pay for it.

Do you have room for this new item? Do you know where you will store it or what you will get rid of to make room for it? 

If you would like to continue simplifying, you can check out the 100 thing challenge at some of these websites:

http://www.100thingchallenge.com/about-100tc/

http://zenhabits.net/minimalist-fun-the-100-things-challenge/

http://bemorewithless.com/my-100-thing-challenge/

Time to sign off. The ducks need diapering, the dogs need pills and this stuff isn't going to get rid of itself.

Maia's Meatballs

Maia has become increasingly uninterested in eating her food, causing her to lose more weight than I would like. To try and reverse this weight loss, we have taken to supplementing her dry food diet with extra calories in the form of a variety of treats, cheeses, meats, eggs and beef jerky. It is quite possible Maia is milking this weight loss for all she can and is fully enjoying this recent change in her diet. But as we estimate that she is approximately seventeen years old, we are willing to give her almost anything she will eat. Chocolate, however, is still not on the menu and it will remain that way; sorry, Maia.

For a while, Maia was willing to eat her dry food as long as we mixed it with some warm ground turkey, but in typical Maia fashion she has recently come to the conclusion that the formerly acceptable meal is now subpar and no amount of cajoling on our part will change her mind. Her behavior has meant that I have had to get creative in trying to get any amount of nutrition into her, hence the following recipe that I developed a few days ago. So far, it seems to have earned the Maia seal of approval, and hopefully it will remain that way. For at least another week, the standard time frame it takes for Maia to decide that she should abandon yet another formerly acceptable food source.

Maia's Meatballs

approximately 3 pounds ground turkey

2 cups rolled oats

¼ cup better in the raw powder*

¼ cup ground flax seed

½ cup finely chopped broccoli

¼ teaspoon garlic powder

1 egg

*Better in the Raw powder is a nutritional supplemental powder designed for a raw food diet that we had left over from the raw food diet Buddy was on in an attempt to improve his health. You could leave it out if you want, or perhaps use this recipe in a raw diet, omitting the baking step. I'll leave it up to you.

Mix all of the ingredients together and form the mixture into balls about 1 -2 tablespoons in size. Place onto greased baking sheets and bake for 30-40 minutes at 350 degrees F, depending on how brown you want them. Store in an airtight container in the fridge or freeze the excess. They can easily be rewarmed in the microwave before serving, or cut into smaller pieces for little dogs or dogs that prefer smaller bites. Or those that think they should be fed pieces of food the size of grapes, while reclining on a chaise lounge, being fanned with palm fronds, a la Maia.